Dr. Drama

During one of the rare moments of down time I experienced as a Disney World employee, I was once speaking to a co-worker of mine, and had a conversation that turned my world upside down. The conversation was just small talk to fill the time in between creating magical moments, greeting every boy that walked into the store with a “Howdy Partner,” and every girl with a “Hello Princess.” This co-worker and I hadn’t worked with each other much, so we didn’t really know one another too well. Consequently, our conversation was limited to the normal small talk. Where are you from? Who’s your favorite Muppet? Etc…. Shocked after learning she didn’t have a favorite Muppet, in fact didn’t even know who most of the Muppets were, I learned that her boyfriend was apparently on the Chicago Bears practice squad (a claim I never verified). Next, I asked her what her parents did for work in Chicago, the city she called home. Her reply was, “Oh well, my mom is just a stay at home mom, and my dad is an inventor.”

I was shocked by her response. Immediately, my brain started to work harder than it had during the last few months of slinging poorly made plastic Disney merchandise to what I hope are the world’s greatest Disney enthusiasts. If there are people in the world that are more excited or duped by Disney, even more than the primarily giddy southern folks I assisted, I never want to meet them.

“An inventor…did you say your dad is an inventor?” I excitedly inquired.
“Yeah that’s what he does,” she responded.

Incredible! I didn’t know such a job title/career field existed. Can anyone be an inventor? More importantly, can I make that my job title? That has to be the ultimate job. Not only would it be great fun, but it must also pay pretty well for her mom to able to be a stay at home mom. I have recently learned that a certain high profile member of our community here at McMurdo is also an inventor.

One doctor, a physician’s assistant, and a physical therapist make up the medical staff for the entire station. I have met all of them and have had one visit with the doctor since he arrived. I thought the guy was pretty chatty but didn’t have any problems with him. Apparently, other members of the community feel pretty creeped out by the guy. Consequently, many people already refuse to see him for any ailment they need assistance with. Aside from the vacant look on his face (not so uncommon here), a couple of weird questions, a super awkward joke, and an offer to come to my room after hours to inject me with some of his own “personal stash” of medicine if the serum he recommended was not available in the station’s supply, my visit with the Doc was uneventful.

In true McMurdo fashion, people have started to share their stories about their bizarre interactions with the doctor. Just like in a high school, information, a.k.a. rumors, about the doc. have started to become everyone’s favorite lunch time conversation topic. One piece of information, however, that has been proven to be fact and not just another rumor is the fact that the Dr. is currently building a spaceship and a time machine. This is something that he has spoken to more than a few people about on various different occasions. Apparently, he is currently putting a little more effort into the spaceship construction as he is not 100% sure that his time machine design will prove to be successful. This seems like reasonable logic right? I mean of course there is a greater chance of his spaceship working. Successful spaceships have been built before, but as far as I know a properly working time machine has yet to be constructed.

A couple of weeks ago someone set off some alarms in Crary Lab. Crary is the building that houses all of the scientists’ laboratories down here. Most science groups get some sort of space in Crary to examine material or information they may gather in the field. In the winter, however, there aren’t really any scientists down here, so the only people who should be in the Crary building are the science support folks that work there. Turns out the alarm that was set off a couple of weeks ago, was triggered by someone wandering around the building after hours. Who would be walking around the science laboratories after hours you ask. Turns out it was none other than our kind and caring Dr. This incident happened before everyone knew about the special projects he is working on, so at first it was a big mystery why the Dr. would be creeping around Crary at night. After learning of his special projects, however, it makes perfect sense. Where else would someone go to find a flux capacitor? Seems like the only logical place to find such a thing down here.

Now to the present, my co-workers and I sent an email to Denver asking what the word in the Denver office was, and requesting some dirt be dug up and sent our way. Here is the email:

We need some major detective Denver work assistance. The doctor. Is crazy. We'd like to know:
A) Is he or is he not really a Doctor (rumor has it HR could not confirm this)
B) Did he get a waiver and not have to take the psyc eval (also a rumor to this tune)
C) Did he pass his drug test
D) Who the in HR interviewed him
E) Who the in Medical hired him
F) Are we really getting a flight in April to remove him (yet another good rumor)

Crazy things he's done/does:
A) Looks like he's strung on drugs
B) Smokes, I mean he is a "Doctor"
C) Offered to come to Solomon's room with his own private supply of injection stuff to administer steroids
D) Is building a time-machine & space ship, but is more concerned about the space ship as he doesn't think the time machine will work (talks about this openly)
E) Has been caught snooping around work centers after hours
F) Creeps women out majorly
G) Called housing as he got locked out of his room - but alas he was just in the wrong building not drunk just "confused"
H) If you have any medical issue it is already a well know station procedure to go into medical, straight to PT and have them sneak you in to see the PA to avoid the "Doctor"

This is where the good rumors start. I must note that the information that follows is just that, rumors.
Apparently, someone who is currently down here thought that the doctor looked familiar, and after thinking hard about it, she realized that she knew his brother. Supposedly, his brother is a brilliant, and perhaps expectedly so, crazy, physicist. Well that’s not so weird right? No not at all, but the woman who supposedly knows him somehow knows that he (the brother) is really into S&M stuff. More specifically he has some kind of vaccum suit complete with a breathing tube that he puts on, sucks all the air out of so it gets hard and he can't move at all, and then has people do things to violent things to him. We also heard that he may have gotten a huge signing bonus to come down because the company was having a bit of trouble filling the contract for the position. Rumors have been flying about whether or not he is even actually currently a licensed doctor. The old “I’m not a doctor, but I play one in real life” gig. People are really wondering whether or not he took or passed the psyche exam. This is one rumor I think is erroneous, however, because there are plenty down here that perhaps could have been flagged during the psyche exam. So, currently that is really most of the excitement here on station. Other than that, the sun will be setting for good in about three weeks, snow has fallen again on the ground, and people, without mentioning any names, are starting to lose the little bit of sanity that some claimed to once have. There isn’t much happening here so everyone has to find ways to make their own entertainment. Currently, my time is devoted to coming up with a convincing reason to make an appointment to visit the Dr’s office.